in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
