I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
