yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
