Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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