You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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