Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize