Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
