Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
