i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
