Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
