why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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