worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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