I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
