You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize