Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i was born a porn star she said
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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