I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
