I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
