i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
