I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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