My first STD was from a foam party
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
