walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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