theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
