i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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