Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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