That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to align my fucking chakras
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
