I should be sponsored by Trojan
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
