So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
