11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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