I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
