Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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