were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
