Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
