you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
