I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
