Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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