The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
she told me i tasted like america
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
