Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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