Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
They have beer where we have blood.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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