i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
