my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
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