is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
