he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
