If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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