Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
