We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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