I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
