...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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