I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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