What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
