Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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