if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I will be naked everywhere
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
