When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
