I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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