Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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