Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
