It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
