Walk of Shame. In a state park.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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