Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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