Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
