dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
