I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
