Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
