my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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