Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
