some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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