she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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