I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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