It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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