Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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