I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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