forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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