You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Is Oprah even human
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
