you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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