This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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