Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
