having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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