I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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