listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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