I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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