OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
My underwear smells like fireworks.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
