Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
